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[05 Oct 2007|06:19pm]
You'd never expect something to be so vivid that only occurs in the deepest stages of R.E.M. but even throughout the unexplainable chaos; I was able to understand why this was all happening to me. These are the woods you might see in nature films, animals scurrying wildly around the tree trunks as if to say “stay away, you’re bound to ruin everything” and they would be right. It’s really an awful night to be wandering in this environment that is so muggy you’d think the drops of sweat are wild jungle bugs, crawling all over you ready to bite. You’re not sure what an acid bath is like but you think it might mirror your experience out here. Regardless, it was the Scarecrows’ idea to explore the natural side of Brazil, he’d always dreamed of it and would argue with me constantly about the importance of experiencing life before imminent death. This is, of course, before I was diagnosed, so the meaning behind it went unappreciated.

We are stopped, the tin man groans audibly, his metal arms creaking in dryness.
“We need to stop. If we don’t stop I might fall apart.”
He says, a pained expression gracing his silver face. Normally Scarecrow might object but it seems the cowardly lion has the urgency to rest his weary paws. Toto, the impatient little bitch, is squealing at me to help her find a tree to urinate on, but I’m just as weary as anyone else, so I unhook her leash. Let her find her own way back.

Somewhere else a man who is responsible for it all is setting up snipers behind trees and up in trees with rifles that can pierce through a mans heart. It wont be the guns that hurt anybody, it will be the force of the snipers.

The truth is that I’m in love with the scarecrow, we’ve been living together for three months and he even gets along with Toto the little bitch, even if she gnaws at his hay. Auntie Em tells me that he’s unstable and whimsical, and that he’ll never be able to support me, but I love that and Auntie Em is a hard-ass rigid cunt anyway.

At this point, I feel slightly better but these teleportation shoes are not good for hiding. Regardless, the Scarecrow likes to be as prepared as possible. The only one not ready is Toto but she can find her own way up the mountain when she’s done defecating the forest.

It’s quiet between us right now because no one is really sure of what to say. No more than a couple of days ago, none of us were speaking to eachother, the reason of which I choose not to disclose but its safe to say that I was in the wrong. Really, mythical creatures are crap at taking constructive criticism. So the jungle bugs creak and caw in the tense silence as we make our way up the mountain. A sound from the other side of the woods goes “VOIP” past my ear and immediately, I duck. It’s been all over the news, the outspread of snipers all over the world, picking off young lovers. An epidemic if you will, spreading now past their original target.

I jump back up, I look around and no on has been shot, still I feel the need to ask. “Is everyone okay?” I begin but again I hear several more “VOIP!” sounds in these muggy woods.

"Run!" the scarecrow shouts, barely audible over all the fuss but immediately we all began to jet. With our hearts beating as fast as our feet, the trees wizz pas our faces. WE can't really understand if anyone is hurt because if we take a moment to check we'll be goners. God knows where Toto is at this point, I hope only that she had the sense to run as well but I can't know for sure.

I don't know exactly how I knew, I never stopped, but the scarecrow is dead, his hay smoking from the fifty bullets pumped into his lifeless body. It isn't long after I feel that same pang in my arm. The fight is over and we are all infected, well, except for Toto.
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[13 Jun 2007|07:01pm]
Poetry is rhetoric
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[09 Oct 2006|04:23pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

Something tells me this time wont be any different.

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[14 May 2006|08:30pm]
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
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[14 May 2006|08:16pm]
In complete....
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[17 Mar 2006|10:37pm]
Lullaby for the inner child

Just fall asleep young lamb
see the demons inside aren't likely
to hold your hand
heres a tip if you can't shake them
tell me and I'll
fix it
The only way to fight your inner demons
is alone

Dream world not so great?
and the monsters and demons you KNOW
now pillage your home
Need a hand just call out.
I'll be by the road of salvation
the only way to live independently
is alone


theres no hideout in the real world
and there comes a time
when the darkness becomes routine
and your life is not your own
I'd give anything just to hold you INNNNNNNSSSSSSIIIIIDDDDE
and keep you safe
I'd give anything to close my eyes from this living nightmare.....
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[13 Mar 2006|08:56pm]
A Rabbits View of the World

a sullen scent
Frequently I understand
but when do sweeping skies
return under my eyes?
My wolen sharp bite
Clamours through intermittent
This it the difference between
pleasure and pain

swalloing clocks it spins
the mind not body down an
ether-esc staricase
point 5 different directions
down a one-way street
until the clouds align
until the birds sing about stars
this is the difference between
confusion and peace

sleep gold dust eyes
your centuries have grown thick
the death you saw was merely
a life about to hatch
wake up 6am another cup
of papers to be filed
rough day at the orifice
now it seems to be clear cut
this is the difference between
dreams and reality

a greatful nation remembers
a greatful nation rebuilds
a wandering eye splinters back
a nation unfulfilled
show not who is there
show now what is lost
this is the difference between
hatred and love
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[13 Mar 2006|08:56pm]

I am 193 pounds of self loathing
5% bodyfat, 95% obsession.
I am hood on which the life of man snaps.
Fear the arrow that swallows me into the tree behind.

I am 175 pounds of swallowed pride
4% loving, 96% digusted.
I take the clenching hardness like a "good girl" should
But fall with eyes wide open thinking innocently

I am 149 pounds of pure paroxysm
3% worried, 97% bitterness
I eat what I smoke
But nobody really knows how old I really am.

I am 122 pounds of hypnosis
2% there, 98% decomposed
I slide with only one half
I murder with only one purpose, beauty

I am 101 pounds of frigid apparatus
1% alive, 99% trite
I am finally where I need to be
no more slipping from the rusty steel

I am 88 pounds of stereotypical bedlam
100% expired
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[13 Mar 2006|08:56pm]
In my dreams, you're alive.

The strings of bulbs from one lamplight to another in the setting sun's sky harmonized for once. At that moment the highway, the lake, the pavement, the grass, it all belonged to that sunset, and me. Concern wasn't on my tired walking feet or my sugar filled aching stomach, but on the backdrop of this glassy configuration. It heard it say goodnight to me.

But in the dream there was a house of memory, where the kitchen had ghostly untensils and the bath was covered with green mildew, filled with dead bodies all gray and white. And the slide led to death in an upside down picture frame, our bodies fit in them so perfectly.

But in the end, I sang the song I thought I couldn't, I found the food you said you'd hidden, and I was clever about it. I won that car race with only 3 pennies to spend. The bomb may have gone off at the store, but your dad couldn't hurt you now and your tears couldn't blind you now. You can run free now, with this running sentence repeating repeating repeating in your head.

Une pétition est un poème
Un poème est une pétition
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[13 Mar 2006|08:37pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

A bottomeless Pit
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Blood on an otherwise lovely day
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Negac Nefaucniac
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But hey, Buddy, don't you know your old friend?
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[25 Apr 2005|07:13am]
[ mood | cold ]







A home.
A home.

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sweet world of mine [26 Jan 2005|09:50pm]
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Got the whole world,
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[23 Jun 2004|10:35pm]
[ mood | sad ]

You were somebody I could see myself with if I was tired or I needed to be held. Mostly, your face was beautiful and when I saw a picture of you again after it happened one thought of it just make me cry, but that's what I was trying to do. Maybe I needed to convince everybody else that you meant something to me, maybe I needed to convince myself but I'm sure of it now, that I miss you and I can't believe it happened.
When I first found out about you, it felt like somebody I hated just started compressing my head between two books. My blood started to boil causing my hands and shoulders and mouth to tremble. The pressure from my head made all the water in my body rush out through my two eyes and my clouded vision could no longer looked at your face in the school newspaper.
I wanted somebody to give me a shake and say "No, no no that's a different guy, that's not the one you know," that maybe you just moved away or you were in the hospital. I couldn't continue staying at school, whenever somebody asked what was wrong, I didn't want to tell them, who would believe me? I only found out a month after everybody else.
Later on I had a dream that you were in my living room, smiling and talking to one of my friends and at first sight of you that feeling came back again. You explained to me that it wasn't you who really it did it, it was the medication, the pennicilan that did it and you would have been gone anyways. I could only imagine the bullets flying through your head, you still conscious. But then something happened, you hugged me, you gave me that hug that I needed so badly from you, that I couldn't sleep at nights thinking about. God it felt so good and I just wanted to hang on forever. I was at the breeching point that sadness that nobody ever overcomes, that sadness that is the brink of sadness that there is nothing beyond it and I was there.
And I survived.
But why?

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[10 Apr 2004|02:03pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]

we could have been in love
but now i'm walking through the rain
hoping to god I get a cold
maybe even a car will slip off the road
and cruise over my body
and it will slip away to the memory of you

twice in two years can't be right.
I guess its a new life long tradition
one by one you all go
into the pit of my memory.
and if your ashes drown
blame it on my fucking karma

I quit, and on my own terms
none of that bullshit you used to call real
attention was what got you into this
this time I'm not helping you out.
I dont need you patronizing me
give me those lame counterfit emotional excuses.

i'll bury them.

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[23 Feb 2004|07:02am]
[ mood | crappy ]

I'm going to stop putting myself in these situations

Self-control i don't have.

But its not where I'm going to be

I'm going to stop teaching myself that things will be okay

because they wont. ever.

I dont want to go on like that

I'm going to stop damaging myself irreversably

I don't want it to go on

But I can't get myself to be strong enough to.

I'm going to stop.

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you're dirty and sweet [25 Jan 2004|04:22pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

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A fractured face
She traces the screams
her foggy memory
when wasn' it there?

Tattered arms
he strums so hard
it'll never be there
what else can there be?

Full of pain
I walk forth into the storm
If there is nothing there
what moves it

A tradgedy strikes
she mimics the cries
the snow burns her hands
but it's her only comfort

Broken arm?
His former greif unveils
the reality more than exists
but why now to be?

I thought I might suggest
no I might wonder
Whats wrong with life?
hold on there sailor

A mighty glare
she screams in guilt
her mirrored murder
there is no going back

Slipping fingers
he almost had it done
the nearly perfect crime
but not enough

Whats going on here?
Whats the point?
so many questions
is pain really worth it?
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this is not the Billy Bragg song. [04 Oct 2003|10:02am]
[ mood | cold ]

you said there wasn't much time
at the time i thought you were joking.
that'd you need attention for yourself

the endless threats of being born
I thought it was an admirable thought.
It made me see the diamonds in your eyes.

But upon meeting you I made the biggest mistake in my life
I fell in love with a time bomb.

I felt threatened at times
you'd never get close enough to me
I wanted badly to just kiss you but punch you

But upon kissing you I made the biggiest mistake in my life
I fell in love with a time bomb

click click boom

I could only scream in terror
What the fuck have I done?

Upon loosing you I made the biggest mistake in my life
I fell in love with a time bomb

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the struggle of the modern scientist [02 Oct 2003|05:02pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

Now I thought I took the dive
Mistakes happen i guess you can say
but since when have you felt it
since when did you live in anything
but luxury

I feel a struggle
you hear a voice?
What good is that when I'm not a good person
clue number 1 sweetertalker: its not

my ear is not your plaything

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[27 Sep 2003|11:39am]
[ mood | cold ]

I always wondered if one could acheieve equilibrium
now I know the truth
A perfect reflection in which everything derives.
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Such is nothing left to live for.
nothing left at all

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you are invited [29 Jul 2003|02:22pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

I got it in the mail one mornin'
There was no return adress
just my name in golf leaf on the front

There was no time or location
there was really no info at all
no date no time no place no RSVP

but it said....

you are invited
for anyone to do anything
you are invited
for all time

I didn't think much about it
it seemed like a really dumb joke
later that week it was friday once again

So i took it down to a disco
who wouldn't have me in a million years
I flashed it once and I was inside with a drink

I really didn't stay too long there
cause no one was having much fun
I made my way to a party all the way cross town

It was thrown by the friend of an ex-thing
I wasn’t sure if I should go
But when I got in the place there were smiles all up and down

I grabbed my ex in the kitchen
I told her I was sorry I came
But she looked at me with a glazed smile and said:

you are invited
for anyone to do anything
you are invited
for all time

You are so needed
by everyone to do everything
You are invited
for all time

I headed home kinda early
The party wasn’t all that great
I saw my neighbor out crying on his front porch

I stopped to see what his deal was
I couldn’t catch much through the sobs
Something about a party and he didn’t go

I thought about it for a second
The invite in my hand
I threw it down at his feet and I said:

You are invited
by anyone to do anything
You are invited
for all time
You are so needed
if you really want to go
You are invited
for all time
For all time

-Dismemberment plan

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